My Awakening Experience


I am posting my personal experience of spiritual awakening, because it’s all about sharing experiences and insight with others who are awakening. Every experience is different but as we compare notes, we will discover important similarities and we will help each other get through these big, new-age-of-enlightenment changes.

Awakening and dark night of the soul are asking us to face our fears to finally let them go and to start looking inside for the answers and outside for synchronicity to guide us. Ask yourself the very important question, “What do you want?”; then answer it like you will get it! If you choose this road, you will become a balanced being living your truth.

My deepest fear was never finding stability in my life. I had this fear since I was four years old and it never went away. I also had spiritual insight. I knew God is “Source” and Source is love and love is light and we came from and go back to Source. I brought this insight with me in this incarnation, but forgot about it in time. My mother reminded me when I mentioned some of my recent insights. We always called God, God, so I was surprised to know I initially knew God by the name “Source”.

I knew stability was going to be elusive. I didn’t know why, but I knew I was in for a rough ride in life. It was a constant distraction. My life theme was constant instability; from family, home, school, relationships, work/career and now my own family.

My work and education background is intense and jam-packed entreprerial, because my lofty goals were always moving until this awakening hit me and I was forced to face the realization that I was repeating the same life cycle: start company from nothing; grow it to national markets; take external-variable-hit one, hold it together; take external-variable-hit two, hold it together under mounting stress; take hit three, deal with the final implosion of everything; two or three years of hermiting off grid and in university; get inspired and start from nothing again. This is the pattern over and over again, except this time I knew I had to walk directly down the road of spirituality and let spirit put my life together as it should be. I was still scared but I had nothing to lose.

About two years ago I heard a thought-voice in my head. It had a vibe/feeling that I recognized from a long time ago. The first and only other time I heard it, was 28 years earlier when I wanted to pull the trigger. I was 21. I was suffering some emotional losses in what must have been a karma-amped experience of reality. I was a computer programmer holding up in a room for six months, writing an accounting program. When it was done I stood up and looked up at the ceiling and said “If you want me to live, you better give me a reason”. I heard the voice say “If you can’t live for yourself, live for other people”. I knew this was a real answer but for whatever reason, I never asked another question. I decided to go into business and build a socially responsible company. I built many companies and products but always got my ass kicked to the curb. Something was amiss… And I knew it.

This time the voice asked a question… “What do you want?” I was startled, but I wanted to answer this simple question. I tried a bunch of “wise” answers, such as to be happy, rich, world peace etc. but the voice/thought kept saying “Not specific enough!”

I was concerned because I know what I want will change from year to year and I thought this was a one-time opportunity. I didn’t want to tie myself to a hard lesson in be-careful-what-you-wish-for. I knew this was a real exercise, regardless of the outcome.

For an entire year I thought about this question. I was trying on different answers to see if they fit. I set a rule that when I answer this question I would say the answer out loud, followed by saying “This is my final answer.” No mistakes!

One fateful day, about a year later, I woke up with the answer. I was living life with an anxiety riddled and imploding career, in an environment filled with harsh variables pushing me to move into the unknown. I said, out loud, “I want to know everything I need to know to answer this question – This is my final answer!” I felt I was forgoing the lottery-win request, but this was the only answer I could give. Nothing else fit.

I didn’t expect anything, but I still felt like I solved a year-long puzzle, with a wise and respectable answer.

Back to reality… My world was continuing to dissolve. I could not live a “normal” life anymore; life was far from “normal”. I sold everything, quit my imploding job and continued to wonder why I was emotionally disconnecting from everything in my life.

I was eventually living on the road with my wife and daughter. My wife had already walked away from her lifelong career and was patiently waiting for me to move forward with her into a new life.

My life was an exercise in anxiety and fear, holding tight to a way of life that needed to change. Anxiety was as bad as it gets (big bad black cloud of WTF). It was pushing me to change my life and/or my perception of it. The feeling of disconnecting from my life felt like I was ready for a UFO to land and take me to my real home planet, because I was not in reality as I knew it. I was here but I was looking at reality from the sidelines. I’m sure psychology has a diagnosis – maybe cognitive dissonance; either way, something changed.

Before this transition to the unknown and life-on-the-road, but after I answered that question, I was invited to my first spiritual medium, group-reading session. I almost didn’t go; I was busy trying to figure out why my life was falling apart in such a harsh and unusual way. I didn’t have time/energy for distractions.

After that reading session, I thought I should try communicating with “spirit”, too – why not!. I did it before but I didn’t know what it was.

I started by asking a question in my mind and listening to my own thoughts/answers. I was intrigued; it’s just me talking to me, but my answers were awesome. I guess that opened the door, because I was getting answers that involved a life review and I was gaining an understanding of why things happened the way they happened.

I was reminded of a vivid, reoccurring, early childhood dream about being paralyzed, dragged out of my bed by something invisible, taken to “the basement” and laid out on a metal table, in a dimly lit room where I was alone and unable to move. After being released from the table, I was taken outside where I was shown a single flower that I was told was my mother. Strange, I know, but an unforgetable, vivid, repeating dream that always upset me with the idea that I was forever separated from my mother. It was emotionally challenging to dream this over and over. I had no idea what an alien abduction was; I was four years old, in the early 70s, with no TV. It seems to fit abduction scenarios today.

Okay… back to this mental exercise/channelling of questions and answers. Everything was explained to me. My entire life was reviewed. Within three months I was journeying and meeting other entities. I met my higher self, who asked me if I wanted to merge with him. He is neon green (it is what it is) and he told me to call him U because I might otherwise forget his name. He knew me well! I agreed to the merge and everything changed again. I thought I was merging to share information but later learned it was more than that. I was oblivious to the deeper meaning of the name U being my higher-self. I also met a female energy/healing trainer in this same or similar dimension, who said to call her Me! Again, I didn’t put two and two together because I really did/do have a hard time remembering names.

I now understand this experience to be an out of body experience, where at first I was journeying/channeling awake and then blacked out briefly to wake up in another reality in the middle of the merge that I started in an awake state. It went from awake, dark with shades of gray (no color) mental images to vibrant color. As I came out of the merge, my body was vibrating hard. I was feeling excited and curious. I was to become a student of my higher self and a couple other entities.

So… I learned EVERYTHING I needed to know to answer that question – everything and more. Now that I answered it, and got all this amazing new information, I was journeying constantly and learned so much that I ran out of questions. I was talking to dead friends who were trying to communicate with me. I startled one of them when I responded to what must have been a year (my time) attempting to get my attention.

Just before hitting the road, I sold my belongings and my house. I had no destination. I knew I wanted to be free as soon as possible to do what I was here to do. In these journeys I was told to hit the road for a long road trip, because I was going to be exposed to more energy and more intense energy. It would be too hard to do that and be around stressed out people. And stressed out people were everywhere. I was like a magnet for angry people. I was already feeling hard changes, but this would be harder and it would take months (almost a year, now, Dec 2015 – Dec 2016). I now understand this to be the climax of the “dark night of the soul”. I was also told I needed to be exposed to energies in other places and to take this time to strengthen my family bond. The trip was not planned at all – and still isn’t! (Spring 2017, now)

A few days before the house sale closed, I was immersed in this new powerful energy and changing awareness/consiousness and I heard it again… “What do you want?” I said I already answered that question. I heard “You can answer the question more than once!”

Well that took me by surprise, because I put so much energy into a one-time answer and the voice didn’t let on that I could answer more than once.

Subsequently I understood that when you receive what you ask for, you can move to the next request. The “pipe” can be filled as soon as it’s empty. I wasn’t able to make more than one request at a time. I tried and was told the pipe is full.

So much was learned. I was taught how to heal in close proximity and by distance; it’s quite spectacular. It works by feeling body chills building inside to the point where the energy blasts out of me and into someone else. I trained in my journeys. I learned how to let go, by letting go of fear of the unknown. This “letting go” is tough to do, but if you connect in a spiritual way, you get tremendous help. It gets easier to push negative thoughts out and focus on the moment at hand. You could read a book about living in The Now. Thinking about the past, causes regret, and thinking about the future, causes anxiety. Ultimately I keep my attention in the here-and-now as best I can. It’s doable but we are never taught about the importance of this. It requires a shift in thinking that trusts the unknown to be a good thing. This way of thinking started naturally after my merge, but it can be done with intent. I just never thought about it until it happened. I had no idea about “the now”, spirituality, awakening or ascension in new energy vibrations.

I am still on the road with no idea where I am going. We drove across country for a couple months, sleeping at truck stops. We drove back to the Yukon, parked for the summer in the remote northern community of Dawson City, to live in an RV. I continued to learn about and reflect upon this awakening, ascension and extraordinary change in awareness. I started using my cell phone as a sketch pad to discover and explore my new sketching/channelling skills.

Update – July 30, 2016. There seems to be a shifting, merging/splitting, reality change. I stumbled onto the Mandela Effect and it’s clear that all kinds of things have changed, consiously, for a relatively large group of people (few hundred thousand or so). These changes include culture, geography, anatomy etc. I saw some strangeness on this road trip that I didn’t understand until a few days ago. I was/am experiencing being aware of sliding through many similar realities. It happens as our state of being changes (emotions, thoughts, beliefs). What I feel inside is reflected back to me from outside, in my interactions, so I am understanding the value of peaceful interactions and quiet time.

When we were driving near White Sands missile base, USA, we were alone on the highway (daytime). A huge burst of energy hit us and we were immediately surrounded by cars in front and behind us. My wife immediately asked me if I “felt that” and was confused by all the cars around us. I received an email/text within minutes, from a psychic friend of mine, asking me if I felt “IT”. What I found strange was that even though we were alone on the road and then we were in busy traffic on a long stretch of open highway, I didn’t get startled. It was like having awareness of two realities blend together – two mes merging safely.

Some changes come and go – now it’s here and now it’s gone! I think the important thing is to ride this wave of expanded awareness, change and awakening. Minimally my belief system is no longer rigid. Anything can happen and it does! If this is happening to you, don’t worry about it. Thousands of people are sharing these experiences. Ride them into the Now!

You may feel alone and lost, but you will do fine. You are becoming a “wayshower” for the rest of humanity who is begining to awaken. Those who cannot see/experience these changes will never believe any of this.

It’s clear that we need to understand love. The awakening addresses this revelation of love insight. We go through a life review, purge and release and we gain spiritual insight. I was taught in my awakening journeys to visualize myself when I was a child and tell myself how much I love the little me. It’s hard to love yourself, but it works here. You can easily love the child that is/was you. Without getting into the concept of time/no time, I will just say that you literally change your timeline, in the now, by giving yourself love in this way. It has to do with love/source multi-D energy and quantum entanglement.

Truth is unfiltered love. A “miracle” is about unfiltered perception. The cleanest perception is perceived in love – without judgment. When you see from this perspective, “miracles” happen and reality shifts. To see from this perspective, let go of fear. To let go of fear, be in the moment.

UPDATE APRIL 14, 2017. What a long journey! Everything has come full circle. It has been a year and a half since I answered the question, “what do you want?”, with “I want to know everything I need to know to answer the question”. Now that I know everything I need to know to give my final answer, it is surprisingly obvious! As we take the time to better understand the nature and power of love energy (all that is), we begin to experience expanded awareness.

I came to understand that where love exists, harmony exists, and where love is lacking, disharmony exists. No matter what we think we specifically want in life, family, work, passion, self, world, God/Source… etc., love is the key state of being for harmony, balance and success. Our needs and wants can finally evolve us towards enlightenment, as our wise masters tried to teach us. Compassion (love) is the true path and energy of wisdom, and wisdom is the foundation that is not built on illusions of fear (sand)!

After two and a half years of incredible personal evolution (physical, mental, spiritual), I choose to feel, be and share love for balance, compassion and wisdom in all facets of my life; love is my final answer! I may never want just one kind of experience, but I will always want love/harmony/passion/wisdom/adventure in all of my experiences. Love is the state of being that aligns the experience I prefer in whatever I may choose to do.